Startups, assholes and teared off computer technics

Back in 2012, when I was about to break up with my first husband and leave Germany, I accidentally met a couple of start uppers in Berlin (how original), they were looking for a developer. After a nice intro, we promised to stay in touch and I left without a job offer. Well now I know they didn't have anything to pay with, so they were basically recruiting for cookie payments.

A couple of months later, I was walking around the block aimlessly, trying to make sense out of my life. I had no friends in the city, no one I could talk to, and my friends in Russia were very far away and not so easy to reach. You see, the Internet wasn't a thing for my first husband because he's essentially a boomer in a millennial body. I was in complete down and thought maybe I could try to reach out to those startup people. I texted them and out of the blue they said come over to our office. We had a short talk with them, and they explained that I qualified for the EXIST scholarship, the scholarship paid by the German government to recent alumni to boost their motivation to found a startup in Germany. It is almost as if Germany has all the right components, but never the right answer.

We applied, and soon we found out that me and one of the other guys will receive the scholarship, which was quite an impressive €2000 per month without taxes, which made my life in Berlin a real honey. One of the co-founders, let's call him Edward, helped me find an apartment, which wasn't that easy, knowing I only have this scholarship and soon ending residence permit. My temporary lease in Charlottenburg was about to end, and I was desperate. Edward helped and I appreciated it.

A half year later, I met the Bear and the North Fox at a hookups' birthday party. We quickly became friends and my ass started flying around Berlin's notorious sex locations. One funny morning, I woke up and found out that I have angina. I had those gazillion times in Russia because it's motherfucking cold there, you see. I didn't connect my newly acquired promiscuous lifestyle and this not so important event, but I know it was ghonoressa for the first time in my twinkie body. Ah, what a time it was.

I've developed quite a harsh fever and couldn't get out of bed. I was only 22 and my German was alrightish, but I was so anxious to visit the doctor by myself. I was afraid of everything, but let's be honest, migrating to another country alone with no friends or relatives, without knowing the local language is quite a conquest. I send my love to baby Ady, you've done everything right.

A second co-founder, let's call her Jessica, knew I was sick and decided to help me out. She came by and made a soup for me and took me to the doctor, so I can get some antibiotics. Today, I know who Jessica was: I don't think she made it because she cared for me. She did it because she cared for her startup. I was the only developer, and it wasn't an option for me to lie around in ghonokkoken for a month or two. Jessica is quite a good-looking woman, and she manipulates and deceits men, who fall in love with her pretty face and long hair easily. Well, I'm a fag and this didn't quite work with me.

But back then I was young and juicy and naive. I can even say we've become friends with my co-founders, as much as you can call it that. We talked about how we gonna make millions with our ideas in the Weinerei near the Weinbergpark at Fehrbelliner straße. We even ran away once without paying at their famous wine tasting evenings. Boy did we get regularly drunk there.

The time was passing by and my scholarship was approaching its end. We all got more and more nervous about where the money will be coming in from because we struggled to find any clients. We also had to found a company.

Founding a company, like anything else in Germany, is an utter bureaucratic nightmare, so even despite having the network of support we received back then, this startup never got in to anything legit. Although my application in the end was successful, the technology I developed was majorly flawed and, in general, the underlying frameworks were not sufficiently developed to reach the goal and developing them with one junior developer wasn't a real option. If baby Ady had read this omfg run.

Edward and Jessica offered my 10% share in the middle of the year, of which I was very happy in the beginning. I was so proud, that I, a 22-year Russian, is a founder of a startup with 10% share. I didn't completely realize, what it meant, but I was very proud. I told about to the Bear and the North Fox, and they were concerned. The Bear outlined, correctly, that the entire programming was done by me and that my co-founders' shares were disproportionately larger. They weren't contributing enough and also have not reached the goals we all set for them to achieve by the end of the scholarship. "Jessica only contributes here tits and Edward is all only words and no action," he said. Jessica really contributed only her tits, but to Edward mostly. But not for a long time.

I started questioning my position in this company and if I was treated fairly. Edward prepared the documents for the scholarship, that's true, but as he wasn't qualified for the scholarship himself, we paid him from the consulting budget the scholarship provided. So again, not really a kind Samaritan here.

Jessica has developed a PoC script of the technology we had in mind, but it was only a PoC, the entire other programming was done by me. An idea is worth nothing if you can't make it a real technology other companies can use. I wasn't qualified enough to implement something like this back then, at least definitely not alone.

The mood was getting more and more dire each day. We trusted each other less and less and at some point I said I want an equal share and that I prohibit them to use my intellectual property. Things developed quickly, and we stopped talking to each other. The supervising authority from the scholarship committee tried to mitigate the conflict, but we became all sour and bitter at each other. There was no shadow of the previous friendship.

I barricaded in my apartment full of decisiveness to deliver the product alone. I took what we developed and tried to make a product out of it. God, it was ugly. I reached out to investors we had in the past and attempted to make a coin out of it. We exchanged official letters where I forbade them to use anything I've developed before, things are getting out of hand quickly. I was sure they couldn't harm me because I knew a couple of their dirty secrets, of which I was ready to let everybody know, should they try something.

After two weeks of silence, I came back to our office near Charité and when I got in, I saw my working computer opened and the hard drive removed. Assholes took the hard drive of my working computer, but I outsmarted them and took everything on a flash drive before the shit hit the fan.

There were a couple of nasty things they did, like emailing my employer months after the whole thing resolved or tricking me in working for free for someone they knew. But the cherry on the top was the situation I got in one evening.

I was sitting at home jerking off and watching movies when in the evening around 11pm someone ringed the bell. I opened a door and there was a guy I didn't know, clearly drunk. He asked if I was the Ady, I said yes and asked who he was. He then started ranting about how I betrayed the people he loves, called me names and tried to get into the apartment. I started pushing him away, and he hit me in my face. I fell and started screaming and he disappeared quickly.

I was confused and scared, and I called the Bear to ask what to do. He said I should call the police, but I wasn't registered in the apartment where I lived, I was still registered at my husband's apartment. Then the most German stupid thing happened, I called 112 and a passive-aggressive voice said they should call 110, as 112 wasn't the police. I wonder how many people had to lose their lives because of this. I called 110, and they asked if I needed an ambulance, I said it was okay, just let the police come. They asked me if I'm still in danger, I said no, and they said the police would arrive in 40 minutes.

When they were there, they didn't ask me how I was doing and where the culprit was. The first thing they asked was why am I not registered here. The second thing asked wasn't anything to do with the crime either, they asked to show my passport and residence permit. I was disgusted. This was the first time I had to deal with the German police and I expected the so gloriously pictured, especially outside of Germany, them to at least ask me if I was physically okay. I saw the xenophobia in their eyes. They didn't care for a second.

I told them I knew who sent this guy and I even found him on Facebook, they then proceeded with their papers and told me I would get a letter in the next days. And I did, they called me to the police, they made more papers. I knew it was my fellow startuplers, and the police did nothing. After half a year of useless bureaucracy and endless loops of witness statements, they closed the case as there was no enough evidence. The process mattered to them, not me or the crime.

Now when years passed, I see this situation as not so black and white anymore. Yes, I maybe acted like an asshole, although Jessica and Edward did some favors for me, but let's be honest, they wouldn't have done a thing for me if I wasn't a developer they needed. They wouldn't look in my direction even. On another side, I should have handled it differently, and let it all go down in vain quickly.

So much for einigkeit, recht und freiheit motherfuckers. Stay tuned for more stories with German police 🍡