Dark Matter: Cupertino interpretation of quantum mechanics.

When Apple started producing TV shows, I couldn't help it but be skeptical: they could have produced iFridges with the same potential for success. They neither have the know-how nor they are specialized in anything like that. Besides, I never understood their products, which added even more points to the story.

After Foundation my skeptic was proven wrong and I started looking around. Severance didn't hit a 10 for me, but it was okay to watch. So Dark Matter.

The physicist, Jason Dessen, lives a happy life with his hot wife. They are poor, but they have a son, and they are very happy American style: they have children, sex and a big kitchen. They both gave up their work for their family™️. Jason has a friend who chose career, he has them moneys, drugs and a prestigious physics nomination. Jason, as a proper Christian, loves his family, and loves his family again, the show doesn't skip a moment to show us how much. When it gets almost nauseating, json oh sorry, Jason gets kidnapped by a mysterious figure. It's totally not himself from a parallel reality.

Surprise-surprise it's him from a parallel reality, where he's chosen a career and not his trad wifey and has him moneys, drugs and a prestigious physics nomination. He develops a box, that can exist in quantum superposition, the only thing that is needed is a little dope up that, of course, glows in the darkness. The genius json replaces the family guy, and all hell breaks loose.

As any proper nerd, I watched a plenty of science fiction shows in the past, and this is not one. Superhero movies have long left the sweaty basements and were brought to the 65-inch silver screens in the living room, and lost all the intellectual potential on the way. And there are now severance-dark-matters, that pretend to be a sci-fi show, but in the nutshell are just a psychological research in the style of "what-if" with a geschmäckle of a Cosmopolitan column.

We notice that we won't slide between the worlds with a hotty Quinn (oh one of my first holly wood crashes uhhh) and professor Arturo, they will just sit in this boring metal box and do some therapy on psychedelics. The main character is a therapist, what can be less energizing than that.

They won't take places of other people like the genius of Scott Bakula did with Al going through the walls (his smartphone from Minecraft was dope, by the way, this one deserves a remaster big time). Nay, it's just California style oversaturated picture and blatant hypotheses about how the world would turn out if the main heroes made other choices.

The scientific basis of the show is questionable, the same as with Severance, you're wat-ing the entire show and as with Severance you won't even get a semi. The plot is targeted at detective-lovers, who love to goop at the end of the haste building up the entire season. Hard core sci-fi lovers will neither get a nice picture nor they get a valuable speculation resulting of a really possible technology.

In addition to the bland story, the main character has zero charisma, the actor doesn't pack it and is definitely not a Meryl Streep of sci-fi movies: as long as jsons start multiplying you barely distinguish one from another. The Rick and Morty origins story without the cynicism that would be typical for such a multidimensional benevolent all-knowing half god of a being is not delivering. The trad wife has so much Botox in her face, the only emotion she can express is the mixture of disdain and slight constipation.

The scenery is boring and understimulating. We either look at the cheap CGI or sit in a metal box listening to half ass baked dialogs with an ambition for a scientific discovery on the verge of psychology and quantum mechanics. Only an ambition it is.

What I surprisingly liked about the movie is the attention to detail in the parallel worlds: the world where the society lives in peace with the environment, the camera looks like a camera from a half a century ago, and that adds up. You see, where there is no raging oil extraction resulted in capitalism, there is also no individualist technology development and ergo no smartphones, only good old Polaroid. But the show doesn't take it further, the residents of the New Chicago still wear designer clothing and build impressive skyscrapers, no change here. As I don't see robots on the streets, the good old Johny geht malochen, nicht wa.

The character building department has done a better job, I particularly liked how the little fluctuations in the characters' plot lines case significant bifurcations (what a word) and let us see, how for example the play boy json's Amanda decides to stay in the hippie world because of all the pain she has endured already. Goodbye, Amanda, we won't miss you, keep doing therapy, not acting.

In overall, this show, like all Apple products, delivers a big marketing message that barely matches the content of the box. The wanna-be special, sterile and even boring sometimes, this is another miss for Apple, show with big letters on the poster. Another proof that creative people don't work coprorations, especially such capitalist dystopian destructive semi-religious sect like Apple.

And it doesn't even explore the dark matter concept, showing that none of the people involved understand a single bit of quantum mechanics. Not a fucking single word about dark matter. My spell-checker thinks, this text is a little bit offensive.